I know it seems strange that a blog dedicated to engaging your children is now encouraging you to let them entertain themselves. I felt it was necessary to address this right at the beginning. I felt it necessary to address this right at the beginning.
Yes I believe in thoughtfully engaging kids in creative play. Yes, I believe in getting on the floor and directly engaging in their play. But I also believe in balance. I make sure to build in “free-play” time daily. Time where I haven’t devised an activity or provided specific materials. Time where I am not directly engaging them, or even really interacting at all.
Why do I believe in letting your kids learn how to entertain themselves?
1 – Creativity
Letting your kids direct their own play opens the door for some pretty awesome imaginative play. Let’s face it, kids are innately creative. Much more so than even the most creative adult that I know.
Just this morning, my kids built a pirate ship out of my weight bench and a small chair. They made the entire sea with blankets and islands out of books. They played for an hour before breakfast and almost an hour after. They went from being surfers searching for a good place to surf to adventurers searching for sea creatures, complete with a hand drawn map. They even dug out my weights and yoga mats and lead themselves through a workout!
The point is, I couldn’t have thought these things up if I tried. And I do try. But imaginative play is like the bane of my existence. I can only say the same scripted line for so long before I’m day dreaming about what I’m doing to make for lunch, or dinner, or bedtime snack (What? I like to eat!!). I also find it painful to recklessly move from being pirates to surfers to adventurers. I can’t help but point out the gaping plot holes and inconsistencies, much to Ayla’s dismay.
This creativity may be channelled into play today, but in the future it will be an invaluable skill in a rapidly changing work world.
2 – Mom’s Sanity and Self- Care
Whether you are a stay at home mom, a working mom, or something in between like me, we all need a few minutes for self-care. DAILY!
Independent play is the perfect opportunity to take five minutes for you. Have a shower, drink a hot coffee, read your favourite blog (pssst this one!)… just whatever you do… don’t pick up the phone, as that is guaranteed to make free-play time come to a crashing halt. Seriously?! The second you say hello you can 100% guarantee all hell will break loose. But I digree…
In order to be the kick-ass mom that you are, you need to take time to fill your cup too. Do what speaks to you that day. Some days, for me, it’s working out. Others it’s having a hot bath. Alone. Sometimes I just need to sit on my bed and breathe.
Your sole job is not to entertain the little people in your life. You are important, too! You need to know that, and so do they.
3 – Problem-Solving and Decision-Making
If you are on any form of social media, I’m sure you’ve read an article (or twenty) about how we are faced with a growingly incompetent generation of young people. Teenagers and young twenty-somethings that have Mommy call in sick for them, or ream out their teachers/professors for a bad grade.
Now, I don’t necessarily agree that the entire generation is a wash, but I can admit those problems do exist. My theory? We haven’t allowed our kids to solve their own problems or make their own decisions. In an over-zealous attempt to make life peachy for our kids, we removed all opportunities for them to practise these skills in safe, small ways. So when it comes time to tackle big life problems, so many young adults just aren’t able to. They lack the skills, and the confidence in their abilities.
I urge us all to take a step back. And it starts with letting your kids figure out how to entertain themselves. Without flipping on a screen, or device. Without $800 worth of toys. Just this morning, my two were arguing over who got to be the captain of the pirate ship. As I’m putting away dishes, I held back the urge to jump in and solve it, to make the decision. Instead, I waited and listened – ready to guide if needed. All on their own, they decided the ship could have two captains (Rory was Captain #2, hahaha, but he didn’t mind). This seems small, but if I jumped in and demanded Ayla gave her brother a turn to be captain, then I would have taken away the chance for them to build those essential problem-solving skills they’ll need late in life. And I’d have sent the inherent message that they are incapable of solving problems without me. Which may be okay when they are 2 and 4, not so much when they are 22 and 24!
4 – Reduce Stress and Anxiety
It is no surprise that today’s kids and teens are more stressed and more anxious than ever. I do attribute some of this to better awareness of our kid’s emotional states, but my completely unscientific opinion is that overall levels have risen, too.
But think about the average school-aged child’s day – wake up and rush around to get to school Spend 7 hours a day there. Then rush off after school to dance/karate/gymnastics, etc. Hurriedly shovel in dinner and complete homework sometime in there. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I am not suggesting that extracurriculars are a bad idea. In fact, I think they are super important. But I am suggesting that a balance needs to be found. That kids still need unstructured time to just be kids. They have their whole adults lives to rush around be stressed. That allowing them the time to just be, to recharge their batteries, is as invaluable as piano lessons.
Tips for building in Independent Play:
Start with small chunks of time.
The younger the child, the shorter the length of time. If this idea is new to your children, no matter their age, start with 10-15 minutes.
Attempt it when children are at their best
This time will be different for every child/family. My kids play independently the best when they first wake up in the morning and after dinner. After school is a danger zone and Ayla is too tired and grumpy to make any decisions, so I usually offer her a quiet art or sensory activity.
Use a Timer
If your kids are used to you being their main source of entertainment, there may be some resistance at first. Set a timer. If they come to you, point to timer and remind them they have 8 minutes left, then you will come play.
Model appropriate play
When you are playing with your kids, model for them how they can play with certain materials. Build towers or puzzles, colour, zoom cars around the living room, etc.
I have to say it. I hate (pre-)school crafts. Do a quick search on Pinterest or visit a pre-school, school or local children’s program and chances are you’ll be inundated with handprint turkeys for Thanksgiving or cotton ball bunnies for Easter.
I cannot for the life of me think of any way this could be considered art.
Okay, okay… We can agree, it’s not art, but every parent wants some cutesy thing to hang on their fridge. Right?
Um… nope, not me. In fact, I’ll proudly display the brown glob that started as a finger painting before my over zealous kid mixed all of the colours for 35 minutes. And then decided to use her toes because she likes the way the paint squishes in between them.
To me, that’s art. That’s creativity, that’s exploration, that’s sensory stimulation, heck, that’s even science. And the look of sheer exhilaration on her face while doing so – I definitely imagine that’s how Van Gogh must have felt while creating.
But if that damn cotton ball bunny should ever show it’s face in my child’s backpack – the only place it’ll find itself is in the garbage. And not just because I have an irrational fear of cotton balls. But because the only thing it symbolizes is how well my child can follow instructions. And perhaps an indication of her fine motor skills, but I can think of a million other ways to flex her finger muscles.
Okay, now that you know where I stand with preschool crafts disguised as art… Let me tell you about process art. Process art is exactly what it sounds like – art experiences that focus on the process, not the final product.
Five Features of Process Art:
1.) It encourages creativity and self-expression
The child is in charge of their art – they decide which colours, which materials, which process. No instructions, no rules, no samples. I will often set out certain materials, but there’s no rules for how to use them.
2.) It encourages exploration
The child is allowed, and encouraged, to explore the materials. They can ditch the brush and decide to paint with their fingers. They can dip the same brush in all the paint colours (I admit, this one still irks me, but I let it irk me silently).
3.) The child is calm and relaxed.
Seriously. I know this one is hard to believe. But if we step back and let our kids create, the process becomes so enjoyable for everyone involved.
4.) There’s a mess
Making a mess is not only a part of art, it’s a part of childhood. Throw down a sheet or tablecloth, strip them down or wear old clothes, roll up the expensive throw rug and let them make a mess!
5.) The final product is one-of-a-kind
If you give 5 children the exact same materials, you will still end up with 5 completely different final products. No two masterpieces will look the same!
I hope I have given you an idea of just what process art is, and isn’t. Now that you get the basics, hop over here and read my post on “Process Art and Why it Matters” to get a clearer picture of why this is the kind of art experience we need to be offering our children.
I invite you all to share your process art experiences in the comments!!